I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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