This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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