I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
