My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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