If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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