Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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