I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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