My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
