so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
