i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
