So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
