I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Randomize
