We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have aggressive nipples.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
