I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think I just sharted jello shots
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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