i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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