also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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