I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize