You're earring is so big in my mouth
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dicks are not precious.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
