I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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