I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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