You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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