I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
