what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
