Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
