I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
