dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I still have a little drunk in my system
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize