I'm laying in your front yard are you home
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
