I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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