we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
