About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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