Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
