This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
