just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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