How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
