Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
