Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
