Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
