Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We left the knife in your bed.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
