he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
