There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
