okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
