Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
