I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
