the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
