That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My liver just had a heart attack.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
