Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
