just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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