Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
