ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
