Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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