Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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