I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
