u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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