I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
