So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
