Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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