did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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