We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
