honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
