i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
