Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize