tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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