I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
