how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
