I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just pee around me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
