The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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