Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
