yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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