i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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