It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
