Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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