The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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