can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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