She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
