i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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