you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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