i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
