there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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