What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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