Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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