you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
