Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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