I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
