Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
