You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
