He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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