I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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