So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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