Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
