also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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