There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
