I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
